Thursday, March 22, 2012

Goal, and a Recap of My Weight Loss Journey

I reached goal last night at my meeting! I couldn’t believe it! When I saw the number 125 exactly, I told the leader, “That’s goal.” And she said, “Yes, it is good!” And I said, “No, it’s GOAL.” And she goes, “Oh—OH! Wow congrats, ok!” and busted into motion, getting my weigh-in sticker sheet ready for the next 6 weeks and pulling out a pamphlet, explaining that I can go lower or higher for 6 weeks, and weigh in every week (no matter the weight as this is an experimentation period), but on the 6th week I need to weigh in at 127 lbs or lower to get WW for free! YAY!

That being said, it felt pretty anticlimactic; but in a good way. It took me so long to lose 15 pounds, and especially these last 5, that now that I’m at goal weight, I feel so prepared to maintain this weight, and if a role calls for it, to lose another 5 pounds if I need to. But for now, I’m happy, comfortable, content, and confident. I want to tell you about my weight loss journey, because I feel that everyone’s is so different, and yet, there are always similarities.

I began WW five years ago, in the spring of 2007. I had just moved to LA that January to pursue my acting career. I was 140 pounds, and I set my goal weight at 120 pounds at that time. I got really close, to about 121.6 or something like that within 3 months. I was on a mission. I also had just broken up with a boyfriend and was motivated to do anything and everything to make myself better. I ate less points than were allotted, and I remember it being a very difficult and unbearable time. I was always hungry! I was miserable! I started eating again, and the weight started creeping up, I stopped going to meetings, and then I finally unscubscribed.

My weight fluctuated around 130-135 for a couple of years. I tried the master cleanse twice—on both occasions, I made it through breakfast. Because it was so gross, I preferred not eating or drinking anything to drinking the solution the rest of the day. I wound up ditching the plan both times because I was sure that eating something was healthier than eating nothing. Haha!

My weight was back to around 140 in 2009-2010. I was in debt, my acting career seemed either dead or completely stagnant, I was spending unhealthy late nights with fellow comedians, and my twin sister got married which made me feel unaccomplished. I also had not had a relationship since that 2007 boyfriend. I felt unloved and I was depressed. I went to therapy for a couple of months, and the main thing I discovered was I really needed to start loving myself. So, I read a couple of books, started asking myself “what do I want,” and began running again (my exercise of choice since I high school). I went on a couple of online dating sites, and met my current boyfriend in September of 2010.

In November 2010, I decided to take weight loss more seriously. Why? Because I deserved it. That wound up being the best reason ever. It’s the main reason I keep going on this journey, and the only reason I’m ever able to turn down my “trigger food,” ice cream. I’m worth it! I’m worth feeling like I’m the best I can be and that my body has enough energy to get me through work days and shoot days and vacation/adventure days. I’m worth feeling confident enough to wear the clothes I find cute, and I’m worth feeling sexy around my boyfriend without having to apologize for love handles (even though I don’t think those will ever completely go away!).

I began attending weekly meetings with a friend, and I started an email chain with 4 other friends. We emailed our tracking daily, and would share when we got off or things we could do better. That helped quite a bit, and I lost five pounds to put me at 130. I also realized that 120 lbs was the weight I perceived other people wanted me to be; it wasn’t the weight I wanted to be. So, I changed my goal weight to something way more reasonable: 125 lbs.

The difficulty now lied in the fact that I was 5 pounds from goal, and I had a boyfriend who loved dining out. I stayed 3-6 pounds from goal for a full year, and this January, I finally decided—ENOUGH. Time to s**t or get off the pot. I planned every breakfast and lunch so they were low in points values; it freed up evening points for when we wanted to go out for dinner. I made my running schedule non-negotiable 4 times per week for at least 3 miles each time. And I told my boyfriend how important this was for me; he wound up being very supportive and said, “I don’t care what you order when we go out, I just want you there with me.” 

I began losing weight, a fraction of a pound at a time, and I fluctuated around 126-127. The last five pounds were not easy to lose. I think it was my mindset. Same as the last time I neared goal—I got cocky. I started to think I could beat the system, and also, I thought, “Whatever, I look great! I’m 2 pounds from goal! This will be easy!” I was wrong. It never gets “easy,” you just develop more and more tools to make the journey easier. I realized I need to stay the course, and do the plan that works! (duh, Amy)

So, yes, I have finally reached goal; it took me 3.5 months to lose 5 pounds. Saying it like that should make me a little embarrassed, but it actually makes me proud. I know what the numbers 125, 126, 127 and 128 feel like in my body, and I know how to maintain each of those numbers. The goal is now to maintain 125, and if I go over, to use the tools I have to bring the number back down.

I can’t stress how good I feel, but more than that, how strong and secure I feel. I know I can do this. I believe in myself. My weight is a part of me, and it very much influences my moods and my attitude, so I need to continue to acknowledge its importance in my life. I said it before, and I’ll say it again—weight loss doesn’t become “easy.” I still crave ice cream and chocolate, and I still overeat at holiday meals and it’s still a challenge when we go out to dinner, but I’m better than I used to be. I still and always will have room to improve.

I mean, talk to any person whose body you envy (there are a ton of them in LA), and you realize very quickly that these people put WORK into their bodies, some of them 3-4 hours per day. I don’t have that time to spare, so I do my 30 min to1 hr per day (most days), as well as eating as on plan as I can. I never get the job done perfectly, but I know what works for me, and I do my best.

In many ways, I feel that my journey has just begun. It took me 5 years to lose 15 pounds, and I’m looking forward to continuing this program for the rest of my life.

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