Thursday, December 30, 2010

2011 Goals

Not sure if I'll be around a computer this weekend, so better to have this post out in the open! Some of these have to do with weight, some have to do with my career, some with personal life.

We'll start with goals accomplished last year--I had a GREAT 2010!
1. Get on an Upright Citizens Brigade sketch team and on their performer page (I was a writer/performer on one of their Maude (i.e. sketch) teams!)
2. Committed relationship (I have been with my current boyfriend for about 4 months after being single for about 3.5 years)
3. Book a significant paid acting gig (I booked 2 national commercials in December)
4. SAG eligible (I am SAG eligible due to the above achieved goal)

Now for 2011... some of these are carry-overs from last year that I didn't quite achieve:
1. Weigh 125 consistently (carry-over, the lowest I weighed last year was 131.5)
2. Begin a retirement plan
3. Earn enough consistent income per month from acting/voice/writing/creative gigs to quit my day job within a year
4. All ten Less Than Heroic episodes successfully, develop a fan base, enough to create Season 2 (this is a web series about D&D that I'm creating-writing-producing-acting)
5. Book a lead in a feature-length comedy
6. Book a costar on a TV series drama
7. Finish writing Princess One-Woman Musical/screenplay/feature
8. Record about 5 real songs for m y website (pop, jazz, rock, cabaret) and get vocal-coached for them
9. Get an acting manager or theatrical agent
10. Make debt ZERO
11. Move into my own one-bedroom apartment
12. Walk down a red carpet for a film

Small Successes

Yesterday, I met with my creating partner for my Less Than Heroic webseries (about kids who play D&D). We talked for a long time about the series, and began work on our sub-series, mini video-casts every writer will do on the topic of their choice. My topic is "Lady Nerd," and it will be about how classy it is to be a lady and a nerd. I got my twitter, facebook, tumblr, and vimeo all set up!

I also did a workout video, which sometimes is the toughest step in my day--just to put on those darn workout clothes.

And last but not least, I made myself 1/2 a grilled cheese sandwich at home instead of the original plan, which was going to Jack-in-the-box for one of theirs. I have a weigh-in today, and I don't expect to lose any weight. The goal was to lose 1.5 lbs at least, but if I lose ANY or just stay the same after Christmas weekend, I'll still be happy.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Christmas, New Year, and Weight Watchers

Hello again, I have NOT forgotten about this blog. It's been in the back of my mind, and I know it should have been in the FRONT of my mind, but I've been nervous.

In any case, life's great! I booked 2 National Commercials in December, and now I'm SAG eligible. This means I gotta get in SHAPE. Now I can go out on auditions for TV Shows and feature films, so in order to do that, I simply HAVE to look "camera ready."

I have taken steps to do this:
1) Joined Weight Watcher's
2) Committed to emailing some friends in a group email what we eat during the day (group tracking as opposed to just writing down what I eat for myself)

The best example of success I've had so far is the first week I joined, I didn't necessarily write down EVERYTHING. I gained weight. The second week, I wrote down EVERYTHING and emailed EVERYTHING, and although I was about 20 points over the allotted points (even including the extra 49 we get), I still lost weight! The numbers are the same as before I left off blogging, but I'm committed to sticking with this blog now because I have even more motivation now that it seems like my acting goals are that much closer to becoming a reality. I imagine it won't take more than 2 months to reach my new goal weight, 125 lbs. I just need to stay on track.

Current Weight: 133.8 lbs (I weigh in at WW's wearing light clothes)
Starting Weight: 133.5 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: .7 lbs (from last entry)
Weight Loss Total: -.3 lbs

Alright, so here we go!

I'm also committing to go to more casting director workshops (as opposed to the zero I went to last year), and getting a theatrical agent OR a manager who can help me get theatrical auditions. I went to one casting director workshop (Semone Leifer) with Aaron Krebs' workshops that he puts together a couple of weeks ago, and very much enjoyed it! I need to start getting seen by the people who make the big decisions, you dig?

AAAAAnd another motivational point--I am going to Italy with my boyfriend in mid-March, and I WILL be my goal weight by that time. I want those pictures to be STUNNING!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Personal Life

Oh jeez, it's been so long since I've updated or even thought about my weight. Well that's not exactly true--I always think about my weight, who am I kidding. I'm back on track now, after these things in my life happened (all good news):

1) I passed Writing Lab at Groundlings (the third level class, on a pass/fail basis)! Some very talented people have not passed the class, so I'm very thankful for successfully completing the course.

2) I got a raise/promotion, and now I'm a boss--I'm more invested in my day job now, and it takes up a bit of brain space.

3) I am now in a relationship with an awesome guy--this is the best thing I have in my life right now. I've been single for 4 years, and it feels amazing to be able to love someone and to be loved in return :) (I met him online, welcome to 2010!)

4) I've been going on about 2 auditions a week, and averaging a callback every 1 of 2. (I've got a really cool 'recurring' commercial character audition today--like the Progressive Girl!)

5) I went back to the gym last Thursday, and have been there 4 out of 5 days this week so far!

So now, almost 1.5 months later, I'm back to committing myself to losing weight. I unfortunately have gained a couple of pounds, but fortunately have ONLY gained a couple of pounds. I should be able to shake these off with some commitment to diet/exercise fairly easily. I shouldn't deceive myself, though--it is work.

Current Weight: 134.5 lbs
Starting Weight: 133.5 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: -4 lbs
Weight Loss Total: -1 lbs

That's ok! Positive thinking! I'll get there! I bought new clothes yesterday (3 shirts), and I like feeling like I'm dressing snazzy--that also helps motivate me. I like trying on new clothes, and having a goal of which clothes I want to fit into. Today, I want to eat really well, and do a combination of cardio and resistance training!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Weigh-In # 7

Alrighty, I'm a bit frustrated, but there's something that's going to get me through this week. Well, three things actually:

1.) "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." ~Albert Einstein

2.) Mom wants to start paying more attention to what we're eating, so we're going to tell each other foods we DIDN'T eat, foods we said "no" to.

3.) I went to church on Saturday (I know, I haven't been in years), and the message really hit home: The main one was, you can't expect to get where you want to be without a plan and without work. Basically, just take time to realize hey, this is going to be difficult, and then just get going. Also, another message was to let go of the "self;" realize why you're here and what your purpose is, and realize that it has nothing to do with "you" as an individual--instead it has more to do with something bigger.

This hit home because a) I really haven't been looking at this as a difficult thing. I'll get to a low-ish weight, and then think, alright! I made it! I can cheat now! Of course, that always ends up being a false sense of security that I give myself. I need to start thinking of this plan of action as a sacrifice and a job. Also, b) I need to also start thinking of this as part of what I'm giving back to the world. I'm using my talent to help the world, as a creative artist. I need to look the best I can so that my body can operate in any way it needs to. Otherwise, my talents are wasted because I'm not a complete actress in every sense of the word. Heck, Amy, you're in Hollywood--act like it.

Current Weight: 130.5 lbs
Starting Weight: 133.5 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 0 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 3 lbs

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

A Compliment!

Even though I've lost only 3 pounds, already I got a compliment from a friend of mine that I looked more "fit and toned." Granted, I have been wearing tighter-fitting clothing as I've become more confident. But also sometimes the pounds aren't the only numbers I need to measure. I haven't done an inches measurement--I wanted to wait until I had lost a solid 5 pounds, but I definitely feel thinner, so I can't wait!

That compliment is completely helping motivate me to stick to my goal and plans!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Weigh-In #6

Lost a pound this week. Right on track--I can deal with this; in fact, I'm very proud about this. It seems like a very slow, healthy way to lose weight. Also, my twin sister visited, and we went to Disneyland and parties, etc, so to still lose weight after 5 days of "vacation" is definitely a feat. She helped me out, too, because she's going after the same goals as I am. So, if I stick to one pound/week, I can reach my goal in 15 weeks or 4 months (or right at New Year's 2011... oof, holiday season). I'm not going to shorten that time or lengthen it because I estimate I'll lose more some weeks and maybe plateau others. "The last 15 pounds" is normally the hardest 15 pounds. And I'm happy with that rate.

I guess the major mindset change is that instead of "meals," I think of what I eat as "snacks." Any "meal" I eat is 150-300 calories, and can normally (with water) keep me full enough for several hours. It's always so disappointing to re-learn how effing LITTLE I need to eat. I'm still exercising (mainly cardio) quite a bit, and that keeps me on track as well. I love spending my time being active because it keeps my mind off what I can't eat :P I've also been making healthier choices--fruits/veggies instead of candy (also disappointing), but I feel more energetic, and I like being able to eat a larger volume of food. I hate that 3-4 cups of strawberries is about the same calories as 1/2 cup of low fat ice cream. That seems so insane to me. I'd prefer to eat 3 cups of ice cream without even thinking about it. It's just going to have to be a process where I teach myself these new habits.

Like I said, I'm not unhealthy, but clearly I can do better. I want to live longer and feel stronger, especially as an actress... I'd love to feel like my body can do anything.

I truly wish this would go faster and take less work :P When I was skinnier, people would say "you don't even have to try," and I would just think, "BULLSHIT. This takes as much effort as you think it takes--it takes as much effort as it would take for you to do the same. I just have decided to do it, whereas you have decided it's too hard." Man oh man, is it hard. I mean, I've been in the "it's too hard" mindset for years, and it's my go-to mindset. I'm not proud of it. This new way of living is a choice, and I'm doing it for myself because I know it will make me happier overall. Already, my confidence in myself is growing, and I actually like trying on clothes now (even though I've lost only 3 pounds!) I feel like every small success is a HUGE step towards EVERYTHING I want in my life. It's weird/annoying how my weight fairly directly reflects my mood.

Current Weight: 130.5 lbs
Starting Weight: 133.5 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 1 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 3 lbs

Monday, August 23, 2010

Weigh-In #5

Wowzas, this is going to just take a longer time than I thought. No weight loss overall, even though I know I fluctuated lower and higher this week. I had a fun comedy video shoot day all day Saturday, and shoot days can really knock my diet planning out of line, just because of craft services--those things are DANGEROUS.

Current Weight: 131.5 lbs
Starting Weight: 133.5 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 0 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 2 lbs

I really think this has to be more of a priority for me. I'm going to block out times this week so that I can make sure I get the exercise in that I need, as well as food-planning. Gosh, it really is a constant struggle: every week, every day, every hour, every minute.

I was talking to an actor at the shoot, and he was saying how important it is to really live like an actor--eat well, meditate, keep your body/mind in superb condition to be ready at any moment to do anything a director might need you to do. I feel like I can "be funny" at any moment, but in terms of "looking hot" at any moment, nope, I'm not there yet. I am staying very positive though.

Hey, even if I lose one pound every 2 weeks, that's still more success than failure. Positive thinking, right guys? Right.

Monday, August 16, 2010

What You Carry

My little sister, Amanda, is a biology major, and said something the other day that really made me think.

"Our bodies aren't built to carry extra weight."

Think about it--food is just fuel to get us through the day. Ages ago, people just ate so they could survive. We eat for all kinds of reasons nowadays, and some of those reasons are stupid. Our bodies were built to do certain functions, and the more fat you pack around the organs, the more your body has to deal with THAT instead of operating as the efficient machine that it is.

I know she's talking about an insane amount of extra weight (not sure about the exact numbers), but that still applies to me, I've decided. I can be a lot healthier and help my body out by allowing it to be the weight it wants.

It SUCKS SO HARD that the amount of food I need to eat is so darn LITTLE! :)

Weigh-In #4

Oh boy! Things are looking up! This week was super rigorous, but I guess it's something I'll have to get used to. TONS of exercising, and TONS of saying no to food. I think I averaged about 1200 calories per day, even if some days were more and some were less.

Current Weight: 131.5 lbs
Starting Weight: 133.5 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 1 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 2 lbs

This may not seem as impressive to you guys as it does to me--losing only 2 pounds since I've started this blog. To put things into perspective, I've sat around the 133-136 range FOREVER: months and months, so to get to a new number is extremely exciting for me. And again, one pound per week is about what I'd like to average (no more than 3 lbs for sure). Also, changing habits takes a bit of time, as I'm finding out...

The least I weighed all throughout 2009 was 130 lbs. I weighed that for 1 day last year in September, and hung around 132-135 for awhile. The rest of the year, I ranged from 135-143, I'm ashamed to say. The least I've EVER weighed was 122 lbs, and that was around August 2007. I was probably around there for a few weeks, and then the range was closer to 126-128 the rest of that year. I want that to be my norm, but I know it will take a lot of work and commitment!

I wrote down EVERYTHING I ate last week in the same format as a Weight Watcher's diary which completely helped. For weight loss, I need to eat about 18 points a day, which averages about 1000-1200 calories depending on the food I eat. Weight Watcher's allows for 35 extra 'cheat' points, and I wound up using only 25 of those. I didn't exercise as much as I wanted to (again due to scheduling), but I plan to this week. I'd love to lose at least another pound this week.

Here's something that played a huge factor in my weigh-in today. This may sound unhealthy to some of you (WARNING). Saturday, I splurged, and ate about 36 points (double what I'm supposed to for a day, but still about 2400 calories). I gained a lot of weight due to just that, so I decided that I was going to do everything I could to get to a good weight for Monday. This included jogging 9 miles, doing a cardio workout video AND doing the P90X Core Synergistics video. I exercised about 3.5 hours yesterday AND ate only a Luna Bar (170 cals). Good news: I wasn't tired at all or hungry throughout the day, and I had LOADS of energy by the time I had my 10PM show. Listen, though, people fast ALL the time and they're fine (granted, they may not do this physical exertion stuff while they're doing it). I was proud of myself, so don't be worried. I listen to my body, and it was fully capable of everything I did. Also, I don't plan on doing this every day. Also, I had eaten WAYYYY too much the day before so it felt as if I had extra storage built up, like how people eat a ton before a marathon. Also, hey, it worked.

I'm so used to Mondays being a high-weight day, and then using the rest of the week to come down from it, but NOT THIS WEEK--NO SIR!

My buddy Chase also posted pictures (before/after), and I decided I'd like to do the same. Even though my weight will be max 20 lbs weight loss, maybe some toning/definition will show up? We'll see. I decided I want to give P90X a shot again, too, but I don't want to stop my cardio, as that has been the cause for most of my weight loss in the past. More on that later! Maybe I'll post my food diary for this upcoming week--that will keep me accountable for the things I'm eating (I already had less ice cream last week than I've ever had :P).

Monday, August 9, 2010

Weigh In #3

Wahoo! I got back on track this week! I exercised next to none (ONLY jogged yesterday) because my schedule was go go go from 6:30AM to about 2-4AM with little chances for naps/4 hour sleeping breaks ALL. WEEK. LONG. I'm not complaining--it's very good to be busy, and I got 14 hours of sleep Saturday night so whew! I'm ready to tackle this upcoming week.

How did I do it? I wrote down everything I ate. EVERYTHING. Even the things when I was thinking to myself "I can't believe I'm about to eat this." I wrote it down. This is a Weight Watcher's strategy, and I'll tell you again--Weight Watcher's works. I just can't afford to pay every month anymore, so I'm using this blog. Following are the results:

Current Weight: 132.5 lbs
Starting Weight: 133.5 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 0 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 1 lb

So I'm back where I started the week before last. And I'm newly committed. Writing everything down still didn't make me eat perfectly, but I DID make better choices. I'm going to try for a whole week to meet my "points" goal every day (WW gives you extra points too--I'll try to minimalize using those points).

I bought a pair of jeans yesterday that "fit" (as in, I can definitely fit into them), but after a few more pounds shaved off, they will make my butt look GOOOOOD, SON! Hopefully, that will be good motivation, and also, hopefully I can squeeze more exercise into my schedule. Cardio is soooo important for my weight loss (and also good for the heart, so I hear)!


Wednesday, August 4, 2010


I am 2 days late on my weigh-in. It's not going to happen this week. I'm taking a "pass." They do this at Weight Watchers so that you can still go to the meetings, but not look at the scale and see a huge number and get discouraged. They do it because numbers turn people off sometimes and make them feel like they're failing. I am not an exception to the rule.

I know what I did wrong--partied hard and threw everything by the wayside. I am back on track now, but I paid the price. I know exactly how much I weigh, and I'm not telling you. It's weird how much weight you can gain over a weekend of negligence. Here's what went down: all my improv buddies went to New York for the weekend, and in an aggressive movement to convince myself that I was having just as much fun as they were, I drank soooooo much and ate sooooooo much. Boo.

Monday was difficult--I was so disappointed in myself. I didn't exercise at all.

My therapist said this week that I talk about my life like an athlete talks about theirs--DISCIPLINE! FOCUS! ACHIEVE! etc, etc. That would pretty much sum up my attitude for sure. That's why when I get off the path, I beat myself up soooo much.

Here's what I learned, though. Growing up and maturing isn't easy. And change is uncomfortable. It also happens very slowly sometimes. What I have finally come to terms with is that being an adult means setting YOUR OWN rules for yourself. Everything up until then (school, parents) give you rules to live by. I feel like the last 3.5 years, I was FREE, and lived by NO RULES. Now, I've decided I actually LIKE the rules, and I respond very well to structure. Of course I won't be perfect all the time, but I definitely prefer some structure to none at all.

So, here's what I've done so far this week, and it's helped! I've been writing down everything I've eaten and marking it with how many points it is. This is straight from Weight Watchers (of which I was a member for 2 years and how I lost all my weight before--weighing about 120 lbs about 2 years ago for a solid 5 months). It helps. I'm not being super strict--I let myself have desserts. It's just very helpful to know exactly what I'm putting into my body, and to know exactly what/how I'm cheating. I know it's a process, so I'm happy I've started with these new rules. I also know that I get more motivated as the numbers go down, so I'm looking forward to it.

I've not been able to exercise the last few days because of a busy schedule, but I've still managed to drop weight simply because of my diet. I hate it, but the fact is that losing weight is 80% diet, 20% exercise. No matter how much I exercise, I STILL have to eat right. UGGGHHH. So, I'm making changes to do that... finally.

Acting-wise, I signed on with a new/better commercial agent who represents all of my comedy friends who go on auditions all the time and book quite a bit. The new agency is Reign Agency, so we'll see how it goes. It definitely feels like a step in a good direction!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Weigh-In #2

Oops y'all!! I forgot yesterday and ran out of time, and I have several more excuses where that came from. That being said, what a fantastic week. I attribute my success to the multitude of exercising I did. I both ran AND hiked both Saturday and Sunday, and cardio is the fastest way for me to lose weight. It also reduces my anxiety/stress levels which can get pretty high.

So here we go:

Current weight: 132.5 (my scale operates on increments of half pounds)
Weight loss this week: 1 lb
Weight loss total: 1 lb
Starting weight: 133.5

Wahoo! I did it! I lost a pound! I feel like I could have done a lot of things better, but I did make better food choices last week. My downfall is candy, so in the evenings, I made a concerted effort to eat vegetables--mainly broccoli, both raw and boiled. I don't have a lot of interest in food variety or new tastes or fine dining, so it's fairly easy to do any of the diets that are suggested to me. They normally involve eggs, nuts, cottage cheese, fruit, vegetables, some lean meat, blah blah blah. It all tastes great to me, and the less I have to prepare, the better off I am.

My downfall is candy. It seems so innocent, but BAM it'll get me where it hurts. Also, I went to 2 parties this weekend, and drank all kinds of alcohol. Umm... not a great idea if you're trying to lose weight. I'm on a different, more focused train this week, so I better lose more than just a pound. I know one pound is pretty good, but I KNOW I can do better this week. Last week, my exercise was all jogging/hiking. This week, I'm going to change it to more grueling cardio videos with weights, and go to a couple of gym classes, which seriously kick my butt.

Also, in the good news column, I started dating someone new last week, and I still lost weight! How about that? Good job, Amy. Thank you, Amy. Boys don't have to change your life too much :P

Monday, July 19, 2010

3 Day Diet (and more)

Here's a diet that my good friend Shelley gave me years ago. Shelley's a model/actress in LA, and this diet does help shrink your stomach and help you lose about 2-5 lbs in 3 days!  It claims to make you lose 10 lbs, but it's never had those kind of results for me. Needless to say, this is what I'll be eating for the next 3 days.  
Drink all the Water and Diet Drinks you want
Day 1: 1/2 grapefruit, 1 slice toast, 2 tb peanut butter, coffee or tea
Lunch: 1/2 cup tuna, 1 slice toast, coffee or tea
Dinner: 2 slices meat (any kind to = 6 oz), 1 c green beans, 1/2 banana, 1 small apple, 1 c vanilla ice cream
Day 2: 1 egg, 1 slice toast, 1/2 banana
Lunch: 1 c cottage cheese or 1 slice cheddar cheese, 1 hard boiled egg, 5 saltine crackers
Dinner: 2 weiners (no buns), 1 c broccoli, 1/2 c carrots, 1/2 banana, 1/2 c vanilla ice cream
Day 3: 5 saltine crackers, 1 slice cheddar cheese, 1 small apple
Lunch: 1 hard boiled egg, slice toast
Dinner: 1 cup tuna, 1/2 banana, 1 c cauliflower, 1/2 c cantalope, orange or grapefruit, 1/2 c vanilla ice cream
Diet works on a chemical breakdown and is proven.  Do not vary or substitute.  Any of the above foods, salt or pepper may be used, but no other seasonings.  This is to be used 3 days at a time off 4 days.  Lose 10 lbs or up to 40 lbs in a month (safe diet).  DO NOT EAT in between meals. 

Also, check out this site for other 3 day diet/meals. I've done some of them, and they're great! It helps to add in some exercise, of course, as always.
Aaaaaand last but not least, a while back, I was chosen as a candidate to try out a fitness machine (I did it for no pay, but got free training classes for two weeks).  This is the diet they asked us to follow:

13 Day Accelerated Plan Diet

1.) 2-3 egg whites, 1/2 cup cottage cheese, 2 slices tomato you can season with Tabasco. Men add 1 whole egg and 1 cup cottage cheese
2.) 1 slice Ezekiel bread, 2-3 egg whites, 2-3 strawberries. Men add 1 whole egg
3.) 1 serving oatmeal, small palmful frozen berries, 2 scoops yogurt (preferably fage).
*Note: Make sure you eat breakfast everyday before your workout preferably 2 hrs before your

Mid morning morning snack
1.) Apple
2.) Almond s or walnuts 6-12
3.) 1 cup of berries

Lunch -lean protein (salmon, chicken, tuna) 3 oz for women 4-6 oz for men, 2 scoops salad with apple
cider vinegar. Men add small sweet potato or 1/2 cup brown rice

Mid afternoon snack
1.) Apple
2.) almonds or walmlts
3.) cup berries

1.) lean protein (salmon, chicken, tuna) 3 oz for women 4-6 oz for men, 1 cup veggies, small salad
with apple cider vinegar. Men add X cup brown rice

Suggestions for Vegetables: Peas, spinach, broccoli, asparagus. No canned veggies. Frozen or fresh only.
Season with lemon, vinegar or Mrs Dash

Suggestions for salad: mixed greens, tomato, cucumber, raw green beans.

Drink a lot of water with lemon Make sure you eat breakfast at least 2 hrs before you workout, it's the
most important meal of the day. Coffee is fine as long as you only use lowfat milk and no sweetener.

No diet products!!!!!

I know this is extreme but it is only for 13 days. As we move along in this process we will make changes if

Eat dinner as close to 4pm as possible and if you are STARVING in the evening have a half of an apple for
women and whole apple for men with lemon. It will keep you full for hours.

Weigh-In #1

Alright folks, here it is. Don't get too excited. But still, get excited.  I'll explain.

Weekends are the HARDEST. THE. HARDEST. times for me. I have no daily structure on the weekends, and normally, it leads to me trying not to eat all day, then by 1 or 2, I'm famished, so I eat anything and everything, then go to a party or a hang-out or something, and long story short, wind up gaining back all the weight I lost during the week. The weekends keep me unable to lose weight.  So, for that reason, I consider today a victory because:

Weight: 133.5 lbs
Weight loss: 0 lbs
Weight loss total: 0 lbs
Starting Weight: 133.5 lbs

So, no change. Who cares?  I managed to get through a weekend. Also, I am INCREDIBLY motivated to shrink those numbers next week. I don't want any more zeroes, folks. I'm done. This has GOT to stop. I've GOT to change my body, and no one can do that but me. So here we go!

For acting news, I just completed the first 37 pages of a screenplay I'm writing. This screenplay is for a HUGE-MONGOUS budget, so in no way do I expect anything right away. However, my goal recently has been to start meeting people who make lengthier projects. I'm kind of bored with the fast turn-around, surface-level comedy projects. I want to do something with real heart and meaning. I figure, if I write a screenplay, I'll probably somehow meet people with similar goals. Of course, my main goal is to act in the features, but hey, this idea I have is super cute--it's a fantasy story about a princess, and I truly believe this poor princess' story needs to be told.

It's a lot easier than I thought it'd be. Of course, I have had the idea in my head for the past 2.5 years, so I know the characters backwards and forwards. It's really cool to see all my ideas formulate their way onto the page. Needless to say, 37 pages in one weekend is not bad, not bad at all. I really like it, and like my weight this week, I am very proud of myself.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


Oh, if there's one thing on this planet that can kick my diet focus and motivation to yesterday, it's MEN.


Today, I was told once again by yet another man that I felt more like a "friend," and that the romantic spark wasn't there. This is especially ironic because I met him on Even guys on pick up the "dude/bro/buddy" vibe from me.  The fact that he was right, and we do feel more like friends than anything doesn't take away the hurt feelings. (I signed up for only a month on that stupid stupid website, and I've spent most of my time blocking uglies, so I'm glad that this is the only person I wasted any time on--and I didn't really waste much of my time, so there.)

A normal day after something like this happens: purchase a half gallon of ice cream and eat the sh*t out of it!
Today: go running as planned and stick to the diet as planned... (we'll see... wish me luck)

Monday, July 12, 2010

Muscle Weighs More Than Fat... SUUUUUURE

Yeah, how many times have I heard that one?!

I get it--I do. But for someone like me? No effin way. I'm a small girl with a small build (getting smaller teehee), and unless I work out super hard 3+ hours a day WITH THE SOLE PURPOSE TO BUILD MUSCLE MASS, I call bullsh*t.  The exercising I do--mainly cardio and resistance training, and some YES SOME weight lifting--will not make a significant difference to my weight.  I'd buy a difference of 2-5 lbs tops--maybe more once I really get going... but that's a MAYBE.

If I gain weight, I can almost swear on anything you like, it's because I ATE TOO MUCH!  No doi doi.

Besides, if I get to the point that I'm gaining weight because of muscle (and that's a big IF), it might be a good time to stop. I have no intention of looking like:

Or do I? She's pretty hawt...

P.S. I'm writing a lot right now, but I'm pretty sure the posting will slow down.  I'm just kind of excited about it now :)

Oops oops oops... So what?

So, after starting the blog yesterday, I was like, "Cool, I'll for real start tomorrow" (story of my life for weekends: "Monday I'll be good.")


Whatever, who cares. Good news about one day being bad is that normally one or two days being good will shave it right off. All I have to do is lose 1 pound by Saturday (132.5)--oh, I can do that.

Maybe I should weigh in twice a week, or at least on Monday as well (the weekends get me sooooo bad!)

I was also thinking I should post my menus and workout schedule because I think to some people, it might be interesting... Like I said before, when I lost a bunch of weight, I sure wasn't eating much.

One of my very skinny friends said that basically she's hungry a lot, and that's the only way she stays skinny. She does it on purpose (to stay skinny), but she also doesn't work out. She is 5'10" and 125 lbs. People say there's about 5 lbs difference per inch. If I want to look like her, since I'm 5'6", I should weigh 105 lbs. I don't think that'll happen--1) I DO work out and 2) I have yet to weigh under 120 lbs my entire life. It's not impossible, but I don't mind tacking on 10 lbs for muscle mass to equal my goal of 115 lbs. I've kind of been asking around to see what girls actually weigh compared to their height. It's pretty interesting (and a little nutso!)

Sunday, July 11, 2010

A Long-Expected Party

Yes, the title of this entry is a "Lord of the Rings" reference. I'm a huge nerd. I'm also an actress, and a bit "overweight." In no way am I "fat." In fact, in the rest of America, I'd be considered skinny. Hell, even in Hollywood, I'd be considered skinny. But not in the circle of Hollywood where I want to be. There, I'd be considered "overweight."

My good pal from college, Chase McCurdy, started a blog this January to help motivate him to lose weight. Already he's lost 100+ pounds, and he's staying strong and losing even more. You can look at that blog here: I have used his blog as motivation for myself, and now have decided to start my own, completely copying everything, including the name of the blog (thanks, Chase!). My weight-loss/body-toning will be incredibly less exciting than his as I have a lot less weight to lose, but hey, it's a goal of mine, and has been for YEARS, so hopefully this will work.

I've tried a lot of stuff over the years, and they all have worked: Weight Watchers, gym membership, personal trainer; but they all cost money. The results also disappeared as soon as I stopped using them. As my funds are depleting with the rest of America's, I figure this'll be a cheap (free), fun way to hold myself accountable, just like Chase!

I've got slightly different goals than Chase does. He lives in Chicago, and does a lot of stage acting. I live in Hollywood, and find myself on camera a lot more. Right now I'm doing a lot of comedy, but my ultimate goal is dramatic acting, as that is where most of my training lies. In comedy, the lifestyle is different. You stay out late, you drink, you laugh, you just have fun--it's the easiest way to find what's funny! You can choose not to fall into that lifestyle, but to do that, it has to be a conscious choice to go against the natural grain. That's where I've found myself the last few years, and I have to change it!

I always thought: "Once I get my body looking like I want it to, that's when I'll book the roles I want." Unfortunately, that has never changed. A therapist asked me, "Do you have signs of an eating disorder?" and I said, "Yes." Because it's true--I do have the signs of an eating disorder. I focus on it all the time, and I weigh myself all the time, and I look in the mirror all the time, and I wish I didn't love food as much as I do--hell, I wish I had an eating disorder. But I don't. Hrmph. I'm perfectly healthy and happy, and I have no desire to harm myself in the way I know an eating disorder will. Also, I do love food :)

So enough waiting around for something else to motivate me to lose weight. I've read tons of books about it, I've lost the weight on my own before--I've got all the tools I need. I can do this by myself, thank you very much. My mom told me an actor recently got an Emmy nod, and when they asked him what he'd do to celebrate, he said, "I'll probably just have a dessert." Well, shoot, that's the life I want, so that's the lifestyle I've got to lead--desserts only for special occasions (among other changes). Dammit. :P

My goal is to basically be camera ready to play the role that requires the awesomest body ever: a vampire. They're both parts the sexiest and strongest and most interesting character I think I can play. I know I have a long way to go, but I've just got to reiterate: Chase lost 100+ pounds in less than 7 months. I can do this.

I not only need to lose weight; I also need to tone up. Good news is, I already work out, and I like working out, and I think underneath this layer of fat, I've got some pretty sick muscles going on. I know what I need to do to keep that as part of my weekly schedule without going overboard or tiring myself. The hardest part for me is the food--eating healthily and eating the right-sized portions. Here's the bad news: to lose weight on a frame like mine, I have to eat 1100-1400 calories a day, and that's not a lot. I remember doing that a couple of years ago, and boy oh boy, it took a lot of willpower. Oh well. My dad cut out all white carbs (rice, pasta, etc), dairy, and sweets for a couple of months, didn't change his exercise habits at all, and lost 15 pounds. If Dad can do it, and Chase can do it, so can I.

Where I'm starting:
Weight: 133.5 lbs
Bust: 32.5
Waist: 27.5 inches
Hips: 38.5 inches
Right Thigh: 22
Right Upper Arm: 12 inches

Goal: 115-118 pounds (because, come on, we fluctuate!)
and here are the size 2 Victoria's Secret clothing measurements that I'd love to match:
Bust: 32.5
Waist: 24.5
Hips: 35

I need to lose:
Weight: 18.5-15.5 pounds
Bust: 0 inches
Waist: 3 inches
Hips: 3.5 inches

Great, my boobs are the only things that match (buuuuut they will get smaller, too, as I lose weight *sigh*). For all you southern/midwestern people who think these goals are too intense, trust me, they're not. You should see the people out here, they weigh MUCH less than what my goals are. This is healthy, and these are real numbers. Now, I might gain weight if I put on muscle, but I know for a fact I can at least stay healthy at 120 lbs, so why not shoot for a little bit lower, and make it hard on myself?

I think it's healthy for me to lose 1-3 lbs/week; it won't be anywhere near Chase's 5+ lbs/week, but it will be slow and significant. It will also make me change my eating habits, which are my main concern. And it will make it easier to maintain the weight once I've lost the pounds.

Anyway, wish me luck!