Tuesday, August 31, 2010

A Compliment!

Even though I've lost only 3 pounds, already I got a compliment from a friend of mine that I looked more "fit and toned." Granted, I have been wearing tighter-fitting clothing as I've become more confident. But also sometimes the pounds aren't the only numbers I need to measure. I haven't done an inches measurement--I wanted to wait until I had lost a solid 5 pounds, but I definitely feel thinner, so I can't wait!

That compliment is completely helping motivate me to stick to my goal and plans!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Weigh-In #6

Lost a pound this week. Right on track--I can deal with this; in fact, I'm very proud about this. It seems like a very slow, healthy way to lose weight. Also, my twin sister visited, and we went to Disneyland and parties, etc, so to still lose weight after 5 days of "vacation" is definitely a feat. She helped me out, too, because she's going after the same goals as I am. So, if I stick to one pound/week, I can reach my goal in 15 weeks or 4 months (or right at New Year's 2011... oof, holiday season). I'm not going to shorten that time or lengthen it because I estimate I'll lose more some weeks and maybe plateau others. "The last 15 pounds" is normally the hardest 15 pounds. And I'm happy with that rate.

I guess the major mindset change is that instead of "meals," I think of what I eat as "snacks." Any "meal" I eat is 150-300 calories, and can normally (with water) keep me full enough for several hours. It's always so disappointing to re-learn how effing LITTLE I need to eat. I'm still exercising (mainly cardio) quite a bit, and that keeps me on track as well. I love spending my time being active because it keeps my mind off what I can't eat :P I've also been making healthier choices--fruits/veggies instead of candy (also disappointing), but I feel more energetic, and I like being able to eat a larger volume of food. I hate that 3-4 cups of strawberries is about the same calories as 1/2 cup of low fat ice cream. That seems so insane to me. I'd prefer to eat 3 cups of ice cream without even thinking about it. It's just going to have to be a process where I teach myself these new habits.

Like I said, I'm not unhealthy, but clearly I can do better. I want to live longer and feel stronger, especially as an actress... I'd love to feel like my body can do anything.

I truly wish this would go faster and take less work :P When I was skinnier, people would say "you don't even have to try," and I would just think, "BULLSHIT. This takes as much effort as you think it takes--it takes as much effort as it would take for you to do the same. I just have decided to do it, whereas you have decided it's too hard." Man oh man, is it hard. I mean, I've been in the "it's too hard" mindset for years, and it's my go-to mindset. I'm not proud of it. This new way of living is a choice, and I'm doing it for myself because I know it will make me happier overall. Already, my confidence in myself is growing, and I actually like trying on clothes now (even though I've lost only 3 pounds!) I feel like every small success is a HUGE step towards EVERYTHING I want in my life. It's weird/annoying how my weight fairly directly reflects my mood.

Current Weight: 130.5 lbs
Starting Weight: 133.5 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 1 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 3 lbs

Monday, August 23, 2010

Weigh-In #5

Wowzas, this is going to just take a longer time than I thought. No weight loss overall, even though I know I fluctuated lower and higher this week. I had a fun comedy video shoot day all day Saturday, and shoot days can really knock my diet planning out of line, just because of craft services--those things are DANGEROUS.

Current Weight: 131.5 lbs
Starting Weight: 133.5 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 0 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 2 lbs

I really think this has to be more of a priority for me. I'm going to block out times this week so that I can make sure I get the exercise in that I need, as well as food-planning. Gosh, it really is a constant struggle: every week, every day, every hour, every minute.

I was talking to an actor at the shoot, and he was saying how important it is to really live like an actor--eat well, meditate, keep your body/mind in superb condition to be ready at any moment to do anything a director might need you to do. I feel like I can "be funny" at any moment, but in terms of "looking hot" at any moment, nope, I'm not there yet. I am staying very positive though.

Hey, even if I lose one pound every 2 weeks, that's still more success than failure. Positive thinking, right guys? Right.

Monday, August 16, 2010

What You Carry

My little sister, Amanda, is a biology major, and said something the other day that really made me think.

"Our bodies aren't built to carry extra weight."

Think about it--food is just fuel to get us through the day. Ages ago, people just ate so they could survive. We eat for all kinds of reasons nowadays, and some of those reasons are stupid. Our bodies were built to do certain functions, and the more fat you pack around the organs, the more your body has to deal with THAT instead of operating as the efficient machine that it is.

I know she's talking about an insane amount of extra weight (not sure about the exact numbers), but that still applies to me, I've decided. I can be a lot healthier and help my body out by allowing it to be the weight it wants.

It SUCKS SO HARD that the amount of food I need to eat is so darn LITTLE! :)

Weigh-In #4

Oh boy! Things are looking up! This week was super rigorous, but I guess it's something I'll have to get used to. TONS of exercising, and TONS of saying no to food. I think I averaged about 1200 calories per day, even if some days were more and some were less.

Current Weight: 131.5 lbs
Starting Weight: 133.5 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 1 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 2 lbs

This may not seem as impressive to you guys as it does to me--losing only 2 pounds since I've started this blog. To put things into perspective, I've sat around the 133-136 range FOREVER: months and months, so to get to a new number is extremely exciting for me. And again, one pound per week is about what I'd like to average (no more than 3 lbs for sure). Also, changing habits takes a bit of time, as I'm finding out...

The least I weighed all throughout 2009 was 130 lbs. I weighed that for 1 day last year in September, and hung around 132-135 for awhile. The rest of the year, I ranged from 135-143, I'm ashamed to say. The least I've EVER weighed was 122 lbs, and that was around August 2007. I was probably around there for a few weeks, and then the range was closer to 126-128 the rest of that year. I want that to be my norm, but I know it will take a lot of work and commitment!

I wrote down EVERYTHING I ate last week in the same format as a Weight Watcher's diary which completely helped. For weight loss, I need to eat about 18 points a day, which averages about 1000-1200 calories depending on the food I eat. Weight Watcher's allows for 35 extra 'cheat' points, and I wound up using only 25 of those. I didn't exercise as much as I wanted to (again due to scheduling), but I plan to this week. I'd love to lose at least another pound this week.

Here's something that played a huge factor in my weigh-in today. This may sound unhealthy to some of you (WARNING). Saturday, I splurged, and ate about 36 points (double what I'm supposed to for a day, but still about 2400 calories). I gained a lot of weight due to just that, so I decided that I was going to do everything I could to get to a good weight for Monday. This included jogging 9 miles, doing a cardio workout video AND doing the P90X Core Synergistics video. I exercised about 3.5 hours yesterday AND ate only a Luna Bar (170 cals). Good news: I wasn't tired at all or hungry throughout the day, and I had LOADS of energy by the time I had my 10PM show. Listen, though, people fast ALL the time and they're fine (granted, they may not do this physical exertion stuff while they're doing it). I was proud of myself, so don't be worried. I listen to my body, and it was fully capable of everything I did. Also, I don't plan on doing this every day. Also, I had eaten WAYYYY too much the day before so it felt as if I had extra storage built up, like how people eat a ton before a marathon. Also, hey, it worked.

I'm so used to Mondays being a high-weight day, and then using the rest of the week to come down from it, but NOT THIS WEEK--NO SIR!

My buddy Chase also posted pictures (before/after), and I decided I'd like to do the same. Even though my weight will be max 20 lbs weight loss, maybe some toning/definition will show up? We'll see. I decided I want to give P90X a shot again, too, but I don't want to stop my cardio, as that has been the cause for most of my weight loss in the past. More on that later! Maybe I'll post my food diary for this upcoming week--that will keep me accountable for the things I'm eating (I already had less ice cream last week than I've ever had :P).

Monday, August 9, 2010

Weigh In #3

Wahoo! I got back on track this week! I exercised next to none (ONLY jogged yesterday) because my schedule was go go go from 6:30AM to about 2-4AM with little chances for naps/4 hour sleeping breaks ALL. WEEK. LONG. I'm not complaining--it's very good to be busy, and I got 14 hours of sleep Saturday night so whew! I'm ready to tackle this upcoming week.

How did I do it? I wrote down everything I ate. EVERYTHING. Even the things when I was thinking to myself "I can't believe I'm about to eat this." I wrote it down. This is a Weight Watcher's strategy, and I'll tell you again--Weight Watcher's works. I just can't afford to pay every month anymore, so I'm using this blog. Following are the results:

Current Weight: 132.5 lbs
Starting Weight: 133.5 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 0 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 1 lb

So I'm back where I started the week before last. And I'm newly committed. Writing everything down still didn't make me eat perfectly, but I DID make better choices. I'm going to try for a whole week to meet my "points" goal every day (WW gives you extra points too--I'll try to minimalize using those points).

I bought a pair of jeans yesterday that "fit" (as in, I can definitely fit into them), but after a few more pounds shaved off, they will make my butt look GOOOOOD, SON! Hopefully, that will be good motivation, and also, hopefully I can squeeze more exercise into my schedule. Cardio is soooo important for my weight loss (and also good for the heart, so I hear)!


Wednesday, August 4, 2010


I am 2 days late on my weigh-in. It's not going to happen this week. I'm taking a "pass." They do this at Weight Watchers so that you can still go to the meetings, but not look at the scale and see a huge number and get discouraged. They do it because numbers turn people off sometimes and make them feel like they're failing. I am not an exception to the rule.

I know what I did wrong--partied hard and threw everything by the wayside. I am back on track now, but I paid the price. I know exactly how much I weigh, and I'm not telling you. It's weird how much weight you can gain over a weekend of negligence. Here's what went down: all my improv buddies went to New York for the weekend, and in an aggressive movement to convince myself that I was having just as much fun as they were, I drank soooooo much and ate sooooooo much. Boo.

Monday was difficult--I was so disappointed in myself. I didn't exercise at all.

My therapist said this week that I talk about my life like an athlete talks about theirs--DISCIPLINE! FOCUS! ACHIEVE! etc, etc. That would pretty much sum up my attitude for sure. That's why when I get off the path, I beat myself up soooo much.

Here's what I learned, though. Growing up and maturing isn't easy. And change is uncomfortable. It also happens very slowly sometimes. What I have finally come to terms with is that being an adult means setting YOUR OWN rules for yourself. Everything up until then (school, parents) give you rules to live by. I feel like the last 3.5 years, I was FREE, and lived by NO RULES. Now, I've decided I actually LIKE the rules, and I respond very well to structure. Of course I won't be perfect all the time, but I definitely prefer some structure to none at all.

So, here's what I've done so far this week, and it's helped! I've been writing down everything I've eaten and marking it with how many points it is. This is straight from Weight Watchers (of which I was a member for 2 years and how I lost all my weight before--weighing about 120 lbs about 2 years ago for a solid 5 months). It helps. I'm not being super strict--I let myself have desserts. It's just very helpful to know exactly what I'm putting into my body, and to know exactly what/how I'm cheating. I know it's a process, so I'm happy I've started with these new rules. I also know that I get more motivated as the numbers go down, so I'm looking forward to it.

I've not been able to exercise the last few days because of a busy schedule, but I've still managed to drop weight simply because of my diet. I hate it, but the fact is that losing weight is 80% diet, 20% exercise. No matter how much I exercise, I STILL have to eat right. UGGGHHH. So, I'm making changes to do that... finally.

Acting-wise, I signed on with a new/better commercial agent who represents all of my comedy friends who go on auditions all the time and book quite a bit. The new agency is Reign Agency, so we'll see how it goes. It definitely feels like a step in a good direction!