Pass

I am 2 days late on my weigh-in. It's not going to happen this week. I'm taking a "pass." They do this at Weight Watchers so that you can still go to the meetings, but not look at the scale and see a huge number and get discouraged. They do it because numbers turn people off sometimes and make them feel like they're failing. I am not an exception to the rule.

I know what I did wrong--partied hard and threw everything by the wayside. I am back on track now, but I paid the price. I know exactly how much I weigh, and I'm not telling you. It's weird how much weight you can gain over a weekend of negligence. Here's what went down: all my improv buddies went to New York for the weekend, and in an aggressive movement to convince myself that I was having just as much fun as they were, I drank soooooo much and ate sooooooo much. Boo.

Monday was difficult--I was so disappointed in myself. I didn't exercise at all.

My therapist said this week that I talk about my life like an athlete talks about theirs--DISCIPLINE! FOCUS! ACHIEVE! etc, etc. That would pretty much sum up my attitude for sure. That's why when I get off the path, I beat myself up soooo much.

Here's what I learned, though. Growing up and maturing isn't easy. And change is uncomfortable. It also happens very slowly sometimes. What I have finally come to terms with is that being an adult means setting YOUR OWN rules for yourself. Everything up until then (school, parents) give you rules to live by. I feel like the last 3.5 years, I was FREE, and lived by NO RULES. Now, I've decided I actually LIKE the rules, and I respond very well to structure. Of course I won't be perfect all the time, but I definitely prefer some structure to none at all.

So, here's what I've done so far this week, and it's helped! I've been writing down everything I've eaten and marking it with how many points it is. This is straight from Weight Watchers (of which I was a member for 2 years and how I lost all my weight before--weighing about 120 lbs about 2 years ago for a solid 5 months). It helps. I'm not being super strict--I let myself have desserts. It's just very helpful to know exactly what I'm putting into my body, and to know exactly what/how I'm cheating. I know it's a process, so I'm happy I've started with these new rules. I also know that I get more motivated as the numbers go down, so I'm looking forward to it.

I've not been able to exercise the last few days because of a busy schedule, but I've still managed to drop weight simply because of my diet. I hate it, but the fact is that losing weight is 80% diet, 20% exercise. No matter how much I exercise, I STILL have to eat right. UGGGHHH. So, I'm making changes to do that... finally.

Acting-wise, I signed on with a new/better commercial agent who represents all of my comedy friends who go on auditions all the time and book quite a bit. The new agency is Reign Agency, so we'll see how it goes. It definitely feels like a step in a good direction!