Weigh-In #6

Lost a pound this week. Right on track--I can deal with this; in fact, I'm very proud about this. It seems like a very slow, healthy way to lose weight. Also, my twin sister visited, and we went to Disneyland and parties, etc, so to still lose weight after 5 days of "vacation" is definitely a feat. She helped me out, too, because she's going after the same goals as I am. So, if I stick to one pound/week, I can reach my goal in 15 weeks or 4 months (or right at New Year's 2011... oof, holiday season). I'm not going to shorten that time or lengthen it because I estimate I'll lose more some weeks and maybe plateau others. "The last 15 pounds" is normally the hardest 15 pounds. And I'm happy with that rate.

I guess the major mindset change is that instead of "meals," I think of what I eat as "snacks." Any "meal" I eat is 150-300 calories, and can normally (with water) keep me full enough for several hours. It's always so disappointing to re-learn how effing LITTLE I need to eat. I'm still exercising (mainly cardio) quite a bit, and that keeps me on track as well. I love spending my time being active because it keeps my mind off what I can't eat :P I've also been making healthier choices--fruits/veggies instead of candy (also disappointing), but I feel more energetic, and I like being able to eat a larger volume of food. I hate that 3-4 cups of strawberries is about the same calories as 1/2 cup of low fat ice cream. That seems so insane to me. I'd prefer to eat 3 cups of ice cream without even thinking about it. It's just going to have to be a process where I teach myself these new habits.

Like I said, I'm not unhealthy, but clearly I can do better. I want to live longer and feel stronger, especially as an actress... I'd love to feel like my body can do anything.

I truly wish this would go faster and take less work :P When I was skinnier, people would say "you don't even have to try," and I would just think, "BULLSHIT. This takes as much effort as you think it takes--it takes as much effort as it would take for you to do the same. I just have decided to do it, whereas you have decided it's too hard." Man oh man, is it hard. I mean, I've been in the "it's too hard" mindset for years, and it's my go-to mindset. I'm not proud of it. This new way of living is a choice, and I'm doing it for myself because I know it will make me happier overall. Already, my confidence in myself is growing, and I actually like trying on clothes now (even though I've lost only 3 pounds!) I feel like every small success is a HUGE step towards EVERYTHING I want in my life. It's weird/annoying how my weight fairly directly reflects my mood.

Current Weight: 130.5 lbs
Starting Weight: 133.5 lbs
Weight Loss This Week: 1 lbs
Weight Loss Total: 3 lbs